Do I Need to Postpone my Wedding: Questions to Ask in the midst of a Pandemic
In today’s circumstances in our country and in the world, there is much uncertainty and fear. The last thing anyone wants to do is put the health and safety of friends and family at risk. With local, state, and federal guidelines promoting social distancing, and stay-at-home orders being implemented in towns across America, it is a stressful time to be getting married.
We have been telling our brides that the key right now is for everyone – couples, family, friends, and vendors – to be healthy, and we strongly recommend considering postponement if they are hesitating about being able to keep people safe. It’s a huge decision to press pause on the plans you’ve been developing for months, so we want to help couples think through all the considerations in making this decision.
At the end of the day, there’s only a few choices – 1) postpone everything to a date in the future, 2) proceed with an intimate ceremony now, but postpone the larger celebration to a date in the future, 3) proceed as planned. Within these options, there are many questions to ask, and we have framed some of them below.
Are there people that warrant moving forward with a private ceremony that cannot wait for a new date?
You may have grandparents or special friends or family members that cannot be present at a later date. Maybe someone is deploying as a military service member. Maybe they will be moving out of the country. Regardless of the reason, if it is important to you they are present, then move to our second question.
Could you do a private ceremony and still get married, and do the larger celebration later?
This question is critical for you and your fiancé to decide what is most important to you. Is having witnesses to your ceremony critical? If not, head to the court house or ask your officiant to come to the backyard. Get married now, and throw the party later! Many couples have done this (some still are). The next question has multiple parts and requires some logistical planning…
Is there a "good" available date in the future?
If you are considering postponing, there are some pretty important logistics you need to consider as soon as possible. First, check your vendor contracts for language about rescheduling. You can usually find what you are allowed to do there. Second, contact your vendors and see what dates they have available. MANY couples are rescheduling, and dates are filling up FAST! Third, check with your family and friends! Make sure your wedding party and family can be in attendance!
Is the date important or sentimental?
Your original date may have been an anniversary or other special day. Once you have availability from your vendors, wedding party, and families, look to see if that date in the next year is available. If it is not, then it is up to you if you want to choose a different date or make it work.
Will your vendors apply your payments to your new date?
These are definitely uncertain times. Vendors and couples alike are finding themselves in completely unchartered territory. NOBODY wants to delay a wedding – not couples, not vendors. If your vendors are worth their fees, they will want to make sure they are as accommodating as possible. It is completely reasonable for vendors to apply your fees to a new date. However, it may be that they require what is known as a “rebooking” fee. Make sure to ask if there are additional fees for moving your date.
What if your vendors aren't available?
With as many couples as there are who are rescheduling, it is unfortunately likely that at least one of your vendors may be booked on your new date. If this is the case, call your wedding planner! If you don’t have a wedding planner, call us! Shameless plug, I know. But the reality is that you have work, kids, family, and a whole bunch of stress right now, and asking for help is ok! More than that, it is expected given the state of things. Whether it is us or not, a wedding planner can help connect you, quickly, with new vendor options and do some of that leg work for you so you can move forward with key decisions.
When do you tell guests?
In the early days of the pandemic, couples were having to alert friends and family within hours of postponements. Today is a bit different. Couples should consider making this decision as early as possible to prevent extra fees from vendors as well as fees for their guests. If family and friends have to book hotels, rental cars, or flights, then they have cancellation windows they need to honor. Frankly, if you choose to move forward, many of your guests may not feel comfortable attending. This is ok. It is not a reflection of their feelings toward you. It is really important for you to consider all situations and let guests know quickly. Technology has also made it possible to allow those who want to be there, but don’t feel safe, to still be there for the big day. Virtual options are a great add on (and it’s easier than you think)!
How do you tell guests?
While this is not what you wanted to have to do, it is the reality of the world we live in right now. But there is a silver lining! You can use some unplanned creativity to have a sense of humor about the situation. We do recommend sending an email and using social media to get the postponement notice to guests as soon as possible. However, you can take your time and have some fun in sending out some new invites once you have selected the new date! Maybe use that invite that came in second, or maybe make this one a little more casual or humorous. Just lean in and have fun.
Will people be upset?
The honest answer is maybe. But the reality is, this is YOUR wedding. It is once-in-a-lifetime, and if someone is mad that you are postponing your wedding, then perhaps this is an opportunity to downsize that guest list. If people are not supporting the choices you are making – ones that are in their, your, and everyone’s best interest – that’s on them. Like with anything about weddings, you can’t please everyone, so don’t waste tears or anxiety over things outside your control.
What are some things to consider if you decide to move forward?
If after thinking through these questions you find yourself thinking keeping your current date is the best option, there are certain things you’ll want to consider carefully. Every jurisdiction has unique mandates and guidelines in place. It is critical to work closely with your planner, venue, and vendors to ensure you understand what is required by law or code, what the vendors are requiring, and you are prepared to meet those standards.
Many jurisdictions also have capacity limits on venues, so think critically about who is on your guest list. You may need to cut down guests to meet these requirements and to be able to socially distance safely in indoor spaces. Once your guest list is updated, you will need to alert and inform guests and get updated RSVPs from them. All your guests may not want to attend, so the more exact number you can have, the better prepared you and your vendors will be to keep people safe.
Have masks available for your guests. Make sure to notify guests ahead of time and enforce whatever mandates are in your area. Also, be sure to have a good plan in place with your venue for regular cleaning of bathrooms, bars, food areas, all door handles, and other commonly shared spaces. Have sanitizer stations throughout the venue and consider travel size hand sanitizers for tables. Lean in to the situation, and these can be keepsakes! Temperature checks stationed at the entrances upon arrival is another great way to keep everyone safe, and your venue may require it for contact tracing. Lastly, work with your venue to walk through their cleaning/sanitation plan for the entire event when you are finalizing your floor plan.
Last Thoughts...
This is a huge list of questions. We recognize that. But they are important. Deciding to postpone isn’t an easy one, but it deserves your full attention. Focus on what is best for you, keeping your friends and family’s safety in mind, and you can’t go wrong. And if you need help, give us a shout.